Why You Should Scrap Big Goals

Why relishing the small stuff is the key to a good life

Our life coach culture has brought with it the premise that we should all have big goals, or even big hairy audacious goals as Jim Collins and Jerry Porras call them. Our focus is ever future forward, eyes ahead, moving from one milestone to the next. While I don’t disagree with having goals to motivate ourselves, I also believe that this obsession with our future is causing us to miss out on a lot of what’s good right now.

Yes, it’s great that we have a target for getting that promotion, finding the one, or writing that novel. These sorts of things mark great milestones in our lives.

Life does not consist of goals alone. The real part of living is all those tiny pieces that make up our day — the sweet inhale of the first coffee of the morning, the feeling of peace as your baby snuffles off to sleep, the comforting kneading of the cat as she settles down on your lap to binge-watch old episodes of Homeland with you.

These are the tiny moments that make up your day. Over time, day after day, week after week, year after year, they make up your life. They will change. The things I relish today — dropping off to sleep, soothed by listening to the intricate plot of a novel read to me on Audible; an over-sized mug of steaming Lady Grey tea in that hour first thing in the morning when the rest of the house is asleep; sessions like the one I am enjoying right now, tapping away on my keyboard listening to my favorite film scores — these were things I would have scorned in my twenties. Yet, there is a sense of rightness in that too.

Recognizing the things that bring me everyday joy reminds me that I don’t have to pursue the big goals to feel loved, accomplished, calm and fulfilled. I feel loved whenever I hug my partner’s back while he’s asleep and feel his heart beating solidly against mine. I can taste accomplishment every time I look at my Medium stats (“oh look, another little bit I've earned just from writing down what I think”). I can feel calm whenever I chose to curl up in my adored purple blanket and feel its rough but comforting texture on my skin. I can take pleasure in my achievement every time we sit down to dinner as a family and enjoy a lively conversation.

For you it will be different. It could be the first shoots of your spring onions as they force their way upwards into the sunlight, the roughness of your towel against your skin after a great workout, or one piece of 85% chocolate timed just right for that afternoon dip.

What we will have in common, however, is that the things that make us happy are all about the senses — the taste of what we eat and drink; the touch of animals and other people; the sound of being read to last thing at night or hearing our lover say our name; the smell of our favorite perfume or a lemon-clean kitchen worktop.

Our senses don’t really care whether we hit those sales figures or lose that last bit of weight. They want to be noticed and fulfilled right now, and the beauty is that we can do this almost instantly, and often very cheaply, or even for free. Even stroking sweet smelling hand cream, one hand slowly slathering the other, is a treat for the senses and how much effort does that take?

By all means keep your stretch goals, your targets and your dream life visions, but don’t forget to live the life you have right here, right now.

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