Natural Causes

Weighed down by heavy thoughts,
the state I’m in,
body broken,
trying to heal,
my mind races
and I can’t seem to focus,
least of all on you.
Finding your way back into my thoughts
and I don’t know why
it didn’t work out between us.
You’re in love with someone else;
I noticed it
the last time we talked.
How will I find you
the next time we meet?
Will you still be
indifferent towards me?
I don’t know what I feel;
maybe I’ve gotten over you;
it’s difficult to say.
I need to move on.
I understand,
though I still think about you,
wonder about you,
want to be partners with you,
but I know it wouldn’t work.
I’m well aware of the divide.
This is clear to me.
Will it take a shock?
One moment,
emotionally torn apart,
maybe that’s what it will take;
it’s difficult to say.
From what I know about you,
I can expect the natural cause.
What will happen
is going to happen
naturally.
Why did I except anything different
especially from you?
But I’ve felt the weight before;
the things I’ve carried,
bring me to my knees.
I can’t shake the pain,
the sheer agony
from taking you with me wherever I go.
So I can’t see you —
that much is clear
I can’t face you —
not like this.
So what do I do with you?
Lodged in my brain,
filled with uncertainty,
and indecision,
I made up my mind
but you find your way back inside.
Then you either hurt me again
or all of this dissolves.
I can tell sometimes
that I miss you.
I just don’t know
what you’re still doing in my mind.
Are you going to cause me pain?
When is this going to end?

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