Receive Graciously

Allow the person who wants to give to you the signature pleasure of joy, of offering you comfort and thought. To deny them of this bliss is nearly unkind.

The spirit of Christmas — giving. Yet for us to give, someone must receive. The joy of giving depends on it.

I was thinking about writing a blog this week for readers who find themselves not in a relationship right now. People who may feel alone or lonely over the holidays.

I called my friend, Alan. He lives in New York, and is celebrating his first Christmas post-divorce, and his first without his eldest son, who’s just moved across country. Alan loves his independent life. In fact, he was the one who pulled the trigger (last January) on a marriage that hadn’t been working for some time. But as we talked, I realized there was another topic that needed to be addressed.

As much as Alan was anticipating a joyful Christmas with family, he knew the time would come on Christmas day when everyone would leave to spend time with his ex, and he’d be alone. “Yes, Betty. I’ll be that person who is alone on Christmas. A stereotype watching cheesy holiday movies.”

But then, I found out that Alan’s friend had invited him to join her and her husband and stepson for dinner on Christmas evening. Alan was touched, but felt awkward. He had turned down the invitation. He wasn’t sure it was right. He didn’t want to impose.

That’s when I butted in. “Hold the phone,” I said. “What are you talking about?”

• Does your friend care about you? (Answer: yes, she is a close friend.)

• Would she love to see you? (Answer: well, she probably would. Her own children were away for the holiday and she had told Alan it would feel more “festive” to have him come over.)

• Would you enjoy joining them for dinner? (Answer: well, yes, it would be fun, and less lonely, to go over there.)

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