On Principles

By questioning everything, I’ve built a small collection of guiding principles.

For as long as I can remember my mind has always searched for exceptions to the rule. On one hand it helps because it forces you to be discerning. On the other hand, it can make you insufferable.

Like when I was 7 years old and said to my teacher “If two negatives are a positive why don’t two wrongs make a right?” To this day I still think this is a valid question.

Now I’m closing in on my 30s. I’ve read a lot, travelled a lot, met a ton of people and gone from bartender to journalist to artist manager to copywriter.

In that time I’ve been heard countless aphorisms, adages, clichés and conventional wisdom–stuff that sounds true to the untrained ear but is essentially bullshit. And all the while this reflex of mine has been by my side.

Of the hundreds I’ve heard, only a few have passed the test… like a string of thread that you just can’t untangle. These have become my guiding principles. And these are the ones I want to share with you today.

A friend told me this a long time ago. And I only recently told him what an impact it made on me. I don’t know where he got it from–I haven’t checked. But accepting this can ease the anxiety we feel about the world spinning out of control.

We didn’t know much when we were young. We just thought we did. Now age has simply shown us we were wrong, not that things are getting worse. Combine this with a decent understanding of recent history and the panic and anxiety you have about the world melts away.

It’s 2007. Steve Jobs does a survey and asks people whether they’d be interested in a new type of device. It’s a lot like the one they’ve got–it’s mobile, it makes calls, sends texts and emails–but it’s got a better camera and stores a bit more music.

I’d probably reply,

I got this one from another friend. It’s already started to pay off too. Don’t ask, just do. There are some obvious exceptions to this but it’s made me think twice about how to get what I want. Less questions, less uncertainty. More statements of intent. This kind of attitude helps you lead more and wonder ‘what if’ a lot less.

I don’t even remember what I say half the time, so I know others won’t. To back this up I often see people I’ve met before, and while the details are hazy, I know exactly how I feel about them.

And as an introvert I’ve never felt at home on stage. Some people are great drop memorable sound bites, but I’m not quite there yet. So I remind myself that as long as I’m genuine, people are more likely to recall how they feel about you than anything else.

A compact version of Hanlon’s Razor. And an easy mistake to make. Life can seem like a zero-sum game. Everyone’s out to get you, from governments (groups of people), nation states (more people), corporations (working people) and billionaires (still just people). We’re constantly told evil forces are manipulating us with the utmost precision.

Spoiler: They’re not. There are too many competing forces at work for any kind of perfectly coordinated attack on the masses. See ‘Occam’s Razor’. Ultimately, everyone’s just as confused as everyone else.

That goes for the driver that took your parking spot at work and cashier who handed you a ripped shopping bag at the supermarket. People are very rarely out to get you–they’re all too wrapped up in themselves. And it’s easier to forgive stupidity. So once you realise that, you can let a lot of stuff go.

Which leads me to my next point.

People are funny. That’s it. They do strange things. There’s no getting around it. People are funny. And you’ll never figure them out. You’ll never understand why they do what they do. Just embrace the weird in people and let it go.

The next time you hear the most outrageous stories about people and the things they’ve done, if you don’t feel compelled to support or rebuke it either way, just shrug your shoulders and say “People are funny”. You’ll find that pretty much sums it up and you can get on with your life.

People don’t ask why. People don’t ask questions, full stop. They’re scared to look stupid. And increasingly, we live in a world where it’s impolite to question things. Asking ‘why’ is seen as annoying more than inquisitive.

But ‘why?’ is the single easiest and most important question you can ask of almost anything. And we’re losing it to courtesy. It’s not easy but I try not to succumb to politeness. Ask why of most things and you’ll quickly find out there isn’t a good reason why at all. Then what you do with that is up to you.

It’s even more important to ask ‘why not?’. Ask ‘why?’ when you don’t understand. Ask ‘why not?’ when you’re faced with a decision.

Everyday we make the same decisions. We go the same route to work, we get the same type of haircut, we order the same thing on the menu. When you ask yourself ‘why not’, you keep yourself open to things that could be. You test the limits of your comfort zone. You expand your mind.

I haven’t fully reconciled which of these is true. But over the years I’ve been ricocheting between the two.

When hear about a hit and run or a doctor who’s been quietly killing his patients for years and I’ll think ‘people will always do what they can get away with’. This takes a view that despite everything, we’re still just a bunch of advanced primates running around on a blue ball on the edge of space playing power games. We act civil in plain sight but show our true selves behind closed doors and do whatever we can get away with to satisfy our need. There’s no karma or higher power to bring about balance. The universe runs raw strength of will.

At similarly pessimistic times when I read about the rise of neo-nazis during Trump’s presidency or I see news of an incel who’s killed a bunch of people out of a sense of entitlement, I’ll pray that ‘people are just doing the best they can with what they’ve got’. This takes the view that we are inherently good, and just reacting to a bad situation. Our compassion is natural, not nurtural and that the universe responds positively to kindness and empathy.

I’m trying to transition from the former to the latter. Something tells me it’ll take a lot of new places, new faces and conversations to complete that shift.

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